


Everybody Loves Dwyer

by TakeItAndRun



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Based on what happened in my second Fates file, Crushes, Humor, Multi, Paula is the name of my avatar in that file, Stupid sexy Dwyer, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited crush played for comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:52:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8560765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakeItAndRun/pseuds/TakeItAndRun
Summary: Dwyer inherits both Demoiselle and Gentilhomme. This is not good news for the army.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my Google Docs for MONTHS. I'm happy to be posting it, because I actually did have fun writing it.  
> This is based off of one of my Fates save files, where I had Elise marry Jakob and Dwyer inherited both Demoiselle and Gentilhomme. The idea of Dwyer being a chick/dude magnet was too hilarious for me to pass up, so this was born. Since I based it off of what happened in my game, I decided to use my avatar from that file, who was a female avatar named Paula.
> 
> Some other notes:  
> * Nyx is Ophelia's mother. She's mentioned once, but it's not brought up again.  
> * Oboro is Shiro's mother. She's not mentioned by name, but I just thought I should mention that.  
> * Paula is married to Niles, so she's Nina's mother. It's mentioned a few times.

* * *

 

_“Yay! I’m so happy we have Dwyer back! I’ve missed him so much! Just think—the last time I saw him, he was a cute lil toddler. Now he’s taller than me!”_

_“Mmmhmmm. That’s lovely, dear…”_

_“Jakob? Are you okay? You seem kinda out of it. Are you still mad that he made a better cup of coffee than you? Uh, not that I’m saying that his coffee is_ always _better than yours, heehee!”_

_“...No, it’s not that. I was merely thinking about that battle he participated in.”_

_“Oooh, you mean the one at Velouria’s Deeprealm? Why, what happened? I don’t remember anything happening to him…”_

_“Well...do you recall how Hayato’s daughter and Sir Kana behaved?”_

_“Oh, yeah! Rhajat and Kana were tougher than usual today! Either that, or the enemy wasn’t hitting them that hard...maybe it was something they ate!”_

_“And Dwyer was right next to them, correct?”_

_“Hmmm...yeah, I guess he was. Jakob, are you saying that Dwyer caused them take less damage?”_

_“...Well, when you put it like that, it sounds silly.”_

_“Heehee! A little bit, but that’s okay. I love you anyway, sweetie!”_

_“Er, yes...I love you too, Elise.”_

                                                       

* * *

 

Shiro rolled his shoulders and grumbled to himself a little. He had just participated in a battle at Riverside—which he remembered as being Caledori’s Deeprealm—and he had to admit that he was more than a little sore. As if the emotional toil of battle wasn’t enough, he also had to deal with the physical toils; in this case, he had been hit by a Sorcerer’s Thunder tome one too many times during the battle. While Nina was quick to heal him, she wasn’t quite as experienced with staves as, say, Aunt Sakura, so he still felt a bit achy.

“...Shiro, right?”

“Gah!” Jumping at the unexpected voice behind him, Shiro whirled around and saw an unfamiliar face. He stiffened a bit, ready to go into offense if needed. “Who are you?!”

The person behind him was a sleepy-looking man wearing a Strategist outfit. He carried a coffee cup in his hands and looked only mildly surprised at Shiro’s (totally justified) reaction.

“Oh...sorry about that. I forgot that you probably didn’t remember me.” The man blinked owlishly at him. “My name is Dwyer.”

“Dwyer...Dwyer…” Something clicked into place. “Ohhh, Dwyer! Your old man’s Jakob, right?”

“Yeah...he is…” Dwyer said. Shiro thought that he heard him mumble “don’t remind me,” but he couldn’t be sure.

“Ah, sorry.” Shiro said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t recognize you. I haven’t seen you in years!”

For it was true. Shiro and Dwyer were born at around the same time, but they weren’t put into the same Deeprealm (though why would they be? Midori and Shigure were twins, and even they were separated; that’s why Shigure looked so much older than his sister). The only time Shiro saw Dwyer was that one time Paula visited with Jakob and a younger Dwyer in tow, because Paula was insistent that the kids should see each other at least once before they grew up. Shiro couldn’t really remember what Dwyer looked like, but he did recall that he spent most of the visit hiding behind his father’s legs (much to Jakob’s annoyance).

“Yeah...it’s been awhile.” Dwyer said, his mouth curving into a shy smile. Shiro couldn’t help but think about how cute it looked.

_Wait. Cute? Get a grip Shiro, you just met the guy!_

“Heh, so what did you want to see me about?” Shiro asked.

“Oh...right.” Dwyer looked down at the cup of coffee in his hands and wrinkled his nose. “I wanted to see if you wanted some coffee. It might be cold by now, though…”

Shiro felt the sudden need to reassure Dwyer. He had no idea why, but the other man looked like a kicked puppy at the moment ( _Wait, no he doesn’t! He just looks a little annoyed_ ), and he just couldn’t let the guy get upset with himself ( _Why the heck WOULD he get upset at himself, though? Geez Shiro, what’s up with you today?_ ).

“Nah, I’m sure it’s fine!” Shiro said, grabbing the cup away from Dwyer, “I worked up a thirst during the last battle anyway.”

Before Dwyer could get a word in, Shiro gulped down at least half of the drink. He paused, smacking his lips a little.

It wasn’t _cold,_ but it was a little cool. Other than that, it was honestly one of the best cups of coffee that Shiro ever tasted.

“Wow, this tastes awesome!” Shiro said, grinning at the man in front of him.

“...Thanks. I know.” Dwyer gave another smile, and once again, Shiro was struck with how adorable it was. Then again, it seemed like _everything_ about Dwyer was gorgeous, like his soft smile, his slightly-ruffled blond hair, his sleepy eyes, his delicate yet masculine hands, his body…

_SHIRO! FREAKING CHILL, MAN!_

“...Are you okay, Shiro?” Dwyer’s (beautiful) voice brought him back to reality.

“Uhhhhh…” _Play it cool man, play it cool._ “...I just remembered that my dad needed me! For...prince stuff. Yeah.” _Great job, Shiro._ “See ya!” Shiro didn’t wait for Dwyer to respond before he was making a mad dash in a random direction.

Unfortunately, said random direction led to him painfully colliding with a solid wall.

                                              

* * *

 

“Ah! How enjoyable it is to forge everlasting bonds with your fellow comrades-in-arms!” Ophelia Dusk, daughter of the chosen one and chosen-one-in-training, gracefully glided past Princess Paula’s private quarters. She was monologuing, as all chosen heroes were known to do (at least, that’s what her father told her); the members of the army shot her strange looks, but that was probably because they were not aware of the habits of the chosen ones. Ophelia ignored them in favor of her musings.

“Let’s see, I have introduced myself to the elder members of the army…” She said, dramatically bringing a hand up to cradle her chin, “I had graced the presence of Kana, the prince of dragons, and Nina, the princess of thieves. I have made the acquaintance of the moody Rhajat, the fearsome Ignatius, the soulful Shigure, and the cheerful Midori. Now, who else must I meet to complete my des—”

“Watch it!”

Ophelia was so caught up in her monologue, she had neglected to hear the warning until she crashed into the body of the speaker. The force of the collision was so great, it sent both her and the other person tumbling to the ground, and while the other person only landed on their bottom, Ophelia had the misfortune of landing flat on her face.

“Hey, watch it!” Ophelia snapped, irritated that her thoughts were interrupted. Crawling into a sitting position, she prepared herself to give the lecture of their life. “Didn’t you hear me co—”

She stopped once she got a good look at the person she ran into, her heart skipping a beat.

Before her, sitting in the midst of scattered cabbages, was a man. No, calling him a _man_ did not do him justice; he was a God in the flesh, a beautiful painting that had been given the gift of life. Everything about him was sculpted to perfection! His lean-yet-manly body, hidden by modest clothing...his pointed, yet strong chin...his haunting eyes that shone with wisdom (or perhaps that was sleepiness instead) ...his hair that resembled lightly gold straw... Ophelia had to struggle not to weep from such beauty!

Was this what her father felt like when he laid eyes on her mother? Will this chance meeting be sung about by bards’ decades from now? Will—

“Excuse me?” Ophelia’s inner musings were once again interrupted, though this interruption was more than welcome. “...Is there something on my face? You’ve been staring at me for a while…”

Oh, no! Had she offended him? The last thing she wanted to do was to bring despair to such a fair creature! Such a thing was not very...chosen-heroine worthy, for lack of a better term.

“...Okay. I’m just going to go now...after I pick up these cabbages, I mean. It took me so long to pick them, too…”

Ophelia snapped out of her stupor when the man made a move to get up.

“Ah! My apologies!” She leapt to her feet quickly. “I was merely...startled, is all. Such behavior is unbecoming of a chosen one!”

Blinking, the man stared at her face for a few seconds. Ophelia had to stop herself from swooning. “...chosen what now?”

“Yes!” Ophelia bowed. “I am who they call Ophelia Dusk! The chosen heroine, the bane of all criminals and servants of evil! The daughter of the chosen one, Odin Dark, and his wife, sent by the heavens themselves, Nyx Dark! The—”

“Oh. Odin’s your father?” The man said. He thought for a bit and nodded. “That makes sense...I guess.”

“Is the resemblance to my father so great that it can be gleaned from the naked eye?” Ophelia asked, puffing her chest out proudly.

“Ummm...sure.” The man shrugged. “My name’s Dwyer.”

“Dwyer…” Ophelia drew out his name, allowing it to roll around on her tongue. “Such an exquisite name!  A name as strong as yours must have been chosen with a great destiny in mind!”

Dwyer snorted. “I believe my father would disagree. Or perhaps my destiny has to do with coffee…” He paused again before smiling slightly—and oh, what a smile! “That would annoy my father. I think I like that idea. Thanks.”

“It is a pleasure!” Ophelia beamed and stuck her hand out. “May I assist you in standing, Dwyer?”

"Alright. Thank you.” Dwyer took her hand— _oh gods above, he was holding her hand!_ She was never going to wash it again after this!

_No! Pull yourself together, Ophelia. A lovely damsel needs your help!_

Swallowing her giddiness, Ophelia helped him up. He gave her a soft, grateful smile that would have melted the heart of even the cruelest person.

“Thanks.” Dwyer glanced down at the fallen cabbages and sighed, annoyed. “Oh. I still have to pick those up again...”

Ophelia was too busy reeling from Dwyer’s soft touch to understand his words at first, but once he knelt down to pick up a basket her brain finally processed what he said.

 “Oh, may I be of service?” She didn’t wait for a reply before she bent over and scooped up a head of cabbage.

Dwyer looked up at her and blinked. “Um...sure. Thanks.”

“A chosen heroine needs no thanks!” Ophelia said grandly, dropping the cabbage into his basket. “Besides, I must repay you somehow for rudely colliding into you like that. Such a lack of awareness was disgraceful on my part!”

Dwyer blinked again as Ophelia grabbed two more heads of cabbage. “...Weren’t you about to yell at me, though?”

Ophelia tittered nervously. “Oh, me? Not I! You must have been mistaken.”

* * *

 

 “You both need healing.” It came out as a statement, which it was. Dwyer glared at Ophelia and Shiro in disapproval. “I don’t understand how this is negotiable. I didn’t come all the way over here to just have a pleasant chat, you know.”

“Pfft, you got the wrong guy, Dwyer.” Shiro tried to stand up straight, only to hunch back over when his throbbing gut screamed in protest. “I’m totally ready for anything!”

“I, too, require no assistance!” Ophelia piped up, swaying slightly. “Why, you witnessed us vanquishing foes not even a minute ago!”

Dwyer sighed in irritation. “Yes, you looked like you were going to collapse then and you look like you’re going to collapse now. Honestly, I have no idea how that Faceless didn’t wind up knocking the two of you flat.”

Both Shiro and Ophelia laughed nervously, neither of them willing to admit that they were only standing from sheer force of will (and it had nothing to do with impressing Dwyer. Nope, not at all). Their laughter soon dissolved into pained groans, causing Dwyer to give them a knowing look. Shiro tried to cover it up by clearing his throat, while Ophelia pretended to cough.

“You two…” Dwyer said, rubbing his forehead. Both Ophelia and Shiro marveled at how attractive he looked when he was annoyed. “Look, we’re not going anywhere until I heal you two, so just tell me who goes first.”

“I told you, man! I’m fine!” Shiro protested.

“...Shiro, you can’t even stand up right now.”

“Like I said, totally fine!”

“You look like you’ve been run over by Avel. You’re not ‘fine’”

“Ha! If I wasn’t fine, could I do this?” Shiro tried to flex his arm, but grimaced. “Ow, ow, ow, not a good idea…” He gripped his bicep, ignoring the pointed look Dwyer gave him.

“Hey, Shiro?” Ophelia asked, wobbling with a vacant expression on her face, “The world is moving for you also, correct?”

Shiro raised an eyebrow. “Uhhh...I don’t think so, ‘Phelia. It’s probably just you.”

“Ohhhh…” Ophelia said, blinking sluggishly. “I must have been cursed, then. It would explain why I see doppelgangers of both you and the fair Dwyer…”

Without another word, Dwyer lifted his Mend staff. A healing, sparkling light surrounded Ophelia, causing the dark mage to stumble back in surprise. “What is—?!”

The sparkling light faded away, and miraculously Ophelia stopped swaying and stood up straight, looking much more focused.

“What light is this?!” Ophelia gushed, awed. “I feel as if I was born anew!”

“It does that,” Dwyer shrugged, as if he hadn’t just saved Ophelia from her own foolhardiness. “Now, you might want to hang back for a bit to make sure that you’re completely—”

Dwyer didn’t even finish his sentence before Ophelia bolted towards the front lines, shouting “Most gratified, dear Dwyer!” over her shoulder.

“—healed.” Sighing, Dwyer turned to Shiro. “Now I just need to heal you—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Shiro exclaimed. “Don’t you have to, I don’t know, wait for the staff to cool down before using it again? Wouldn’t it just save time if I went back to fighting? These Faceless aren’t gonna kill themselves, you know!” He paused and wrinkled his brow. “Okay, that didn’t really sound right…”

Dwyer groaned. “I’m pretty sure you won’t be saving anything if you continue to fight like this.” He said, “You’re making this difficult, Shiro. Just let me—”

“S-SHIRO!” A panicked shout from behind interrupted Dwyer. Both Shiro and Dwyer turned to see Sakura dashing over to them, clearly going as fast as she could while wearing a long Priestess dress.

“Aunt Sakura?! What are you doing here?” Shiro asked. Sakura stopped running when she made it to Shiro’s side, panting with exhaustion.

“Your mother— _huff, huff_ —told me that you were – _huff—_ hurt!” Sakura managed to say between breaths. “So I – _huff, whew_ —was trying to find you!”

“W-what? No, I’m totally fine!” Shiro insisted. “See, I—!” He was interrupted by a gasp from Sakura.

“O-oh no!” She grabbed his hand and peered closely at his arm. “Shiro, you have a bruise that’s covering almost half of your upper arm!”

“Wait, I do?!” Shiro tried twisting his arm in order to confirm Sakura’s statement for himself, but stopped when the action caused him too much pain. “OW! Son of a…”

“Oh, oh, oh…” Sakura’s eyes teared up, “I—I need to heal you right away! Follow me!” She carefully started pulling Shiro away from Dwyer, who looked on with an “I told you so” expression on his face.

“Wait, where are we going?!” Shiro tried to pull away, but he let out a small hiss when it just wound up putting stress on his arm.

“I need to pull you back for a bit! There’s...some kind of monster who can shoot rocks, and I need to get you out of his range!” Sakura explained hurriedly.

“A monster who can shoot rocks?! Where?!” Shiro’s head shot up in excitement. “C’om Aunt Sakura, I can’t miss fighting _that!_ ”

“No, Shiro!” Sakura continued to drag Shiro away. Considering how she was a petite young woman with absolutely no muscle mass to speak of, it was actually pretty impressive. “Y-you’ll get hurt if you do that! I can’t let you fight him without healing you first!”

“But Aunt Sakuraaaaa…” Shiro’s voice faded as his aunt pulled him further from Dwyer’s range of hearing. Dwyer sighed in annoyance.

“Of course. It’s not like he was next to someone who was _already_ trying to heal him…” He grumbled. “I’m so lucky father isn’t here. He’d never let me hear the end of it…”

                                                          

* * *

 

Needless to say, Shiro and Ophelia were banned from going on missions with Dwyer for a month, much to their distress. In fact, they kicked up such a fuss that the always-patient Paula grew weary of trying to reason with them and had Jakob escort them out of her private quarters.

“Jakob,” Paula leaned back and fixed Jakob with a stern look (or as stern as she could get, anyway). “Go tell the rest of the kids that we’re having a meeting. This is the fourth time something like this has happened in the past month, and we need to get to the bottom of this.”

“It shall be done, milady.” Jakob bowed lowly and opened the door. He paused, his lips pressing into a thin line. “Lady Paula? I regret to inform you that both Lady Nina _and_ Laslow’s daughter are pestering my son.”

The only response he got was an exasperated groan.


End file.
